Posted 4 hours ago
Posted 4 hours ago
  1. me: *hears a marching band in the distance*
  2. me: *immediately tries to locate the band*
  3. me: My marching band senses are tingling.
Posted 4 hours ago

allthestarsonyourceiling:

Last night I went to Starbucks and when the guy finished my drink, he bent down and wispered, “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.” I just smiled and took my drink, and while I was leaving I heard the other worker saying: “WOULD YOU STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR INSPERATIONAL SHIT!” and the guy responded with, “Gurl, there is no way in hell I am letting you dull my sparkle.” 

Oh my god. 

(Source: itsthethoughtofyou)

Posted 4 hours ago
Posted 4 hours ago

gearstation:

sacredassbutt:

baruchsbalthamos:

Americans pronouncing it ‘Noo-tella’ as if it were made from fucking hazelnoots.

image

ahem.

Posted 4 hours ago
bellamybelly:

uhttractive:

twerkjakeiscanon:

shattered—colors:

gifs-for-fun:

I installed it without directions…

I don’t know why I’m laughing so hard


oh my god same

put coloured bulbs in the lights and you’ve got your own little disco light set up

bellamybelly:

uhttractive:

twerkjakeiscanon:

shattered—colors:

gifs-for-fun:

I installed it without directions…

I don’t know why I’m laughing so hard

oh my god same

put coloured bulbs in the lights and you’ve got your own little disco light set up

Posted 4 hours ago

polyglotplatypus:

Were you expecting an inspiring comic about body positivity or something?
Sorry, this is just about how cool pansexuality is

You can’t expect me to draw 2 serious comics in a row, now, can you?

Posted 4 hours ago
outrunmyself:

ultrafacts:

panichristie:

erisdogwood:

ultrafacts:

chocolatesprinklesroyale:

ultrafacts:

Source More Facts

Guards: Oh no. Wait. Stop. No. Don’t steal those. Get back here, you criminal. (Pfft! Can’t believe they’re falling for it!)

I read that in a sarcastic voice





stop

why is this so funny?

outrunmyself:

ultrafacts:

panichristie:

erisdogwood:

ultrafacts:

chocolatesprinklesroyale:

ultrafacts:

Source More Facts

Guards: Oh no. Wait. Stop. No. Don’t steal those. Get back here, you criminal. (Pfft! Can’t believe they’re falling for it!)

I read that in a sarcastic voice

image

stop

why is this so funny?

Posted 4 hours ago

lion:

when you open the fridge after your mom went grocery shopping

Posted 4 hours ago

whiskeydrinking-operating:

This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.

You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.